On January 20th, 2023, at about 4:34 AM Mountain Standard Time, I received a phone call from Kevin, a close friend of mine.

“You have corp access on your phone?” “Yeah” “Check your email”

And so I did, and I read the latest email that I had received, “A Notice Regarding Your Employment”.

This was not going to be a good day.

The First Day

In stark contrast to a lot of my peers, I wasn’t shocked. It was more a state of acceptance. My mother, now a Senior VP in Human Resources, has seen this happen from both sides. Impacted by the financial crash of 2008, and delivering the harsh news to hundreds of employees. She, whether on purpose or not, showed me that this happens to people, good people.

I could get angry, vowing to curse the CEO and every single one of their offspring. I could be sad, laying in bed and crying into my pillow. I could’ve been anywhere on the spectrum of feelings, but what would that solve? Now more than ever was not the time to stand still. I called co-workers and friends, vying to understand what the scope of the impact was on my internal circle. I called my parents, giving them a heads-up and asking them for their assistance going forward.

I cried once. I called Chef Matt and told him not to worry about making that burrito he promised me.

Once the calls had settled and my phone was at 80% by 6 AM, I got a Discord invite to a small server, with only about 40 people. I made a joke about a particular bot being on the server. The owner immediately messaged me, “You seem to know a thing about moderating a server, can you give me a hand?”

Later that evening, the server passed 4000 users. A hand was putting it lightly.

Everything Since Then

I could regale the tale of everything that happened since then: visiting family, the job search, making new friends

But that’s not what I want to publish.

Don’t be me.

The way that I handled the situation was unconventional, but not unique. I became a solid stone for others to seek but belied my humanity.

I felt angry. I felt sad. I felt betrayed.

I was these things, however, if you asked anyone what I said that day, it’s unlikely anyone would give those as a response. I bottled up my emotions, yeeted them straight out of the window, and I wouldn’t do it again.

I hurt myself over a longer period, with more stress, less flexibility, and more expectations. After a few weeks of keeping up the facade, it transitioned into a form of depression. I didn’t want to get up out of bed. I didn’t want to eat substantial meals. I stopped wanting to play games with friends in the afternoons. I became the bottle of my feelings that managed to roll back in.

What would I do differently?

I would feel.

P.S. Thanks for reading. More tech shenanigans coming soon.